Why I Am I Not Satisfied

I seem to be rolling in my recovery on the outside. I have reached my ideal weight for my height. Wish I could say the same about my inside. Today during practicing, I ran my 5K in PR time…..35:00. You would think I would be proud. I was…..for just a few minutes and then the negative comes rolling back. Jump on the scale and the number is down. You would think I would be proud. I was….for just a few minutes and then the negativity comes rolling back. My thoughts go to

  • “I would be happy if I was a 0.”
  • “I need to lose more weight to get rid of my muffin top and flabbiness.”
  • “My body still is disgusting.”

Why can I not be satisfied? I hate this! Why can’t I just celebrate my victories? Every day I am stuck in the rut of my struggle. I understand that what I am doing is harmful not only to my physical self but my mental self as well. I just cannot break the cycle – – – – I need to break the cycle.


About iltyp4u

I would like to introduce myself to you. My name is Angel. On the surface I look very successful and happy. I have married my soul mate, I have one daughter and two beautiful grandchildren, and I own/operate a successful at-home business. But, I do have a skeleton in my closet and his name is TED. I know that many of you also have some form of this skeleton, and my hope is that in my recovery, I can help at least one other person through recovery. Who or what is TED you ask? TED is the name that I have given to my Eating Disorder. If you or someone you know suffers from an eating disorder, I hope that you/they find this blog helpful. Please check back for updates about my progress/struggles. Also, feel free to comment on your progress. Follow me on twitter: @iltyp4u Follow me on FB: www.facebook.com/triumphfromted
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