It’s Just Easier!

Con #2: TED is so much easier than life.

There are so many things that make life complicated. Right now I have so much on my plate – my business, my recovery, studying to become a personal trainer, my husband, my child and my grandchildren. I do not want to bore you with all the details but TED was definitely stress-free.

Why is it easier? Simple. When I am actively participating in TED, there are only three things that matter to me.

  1. How much did I eat today.
  2. How much have I exercised.
  3. How much do I weigh.

This third one is the most important and totally dictates #1 and #2. This totally consumes my thoughts, leaving no time for “life”. I know it is all still occurring, but its outcome is not important to me. TED makes me believe that if I have “control” over what I am eating (guess more appropriately what I am not eating), then I am a winner. He reminds me that nothing else really matters.

The downfall is that if you are starving all you do is think of food. How much I would love to take a bite, please just one bite. But I cannot. So if you just let me smell it that would be good enough. But if I smell it, I am going to want to eat it. Ugh! So instead I try to make food negative. “If you eat that you are going to get fat. You know how unhappy you are when you are fat. Your number is going to be higher if you eat that.” And so, I walk away without eating. That lasts until the next hunger pain hits and the battle starts over.

So then you move to the second stage – Food Avoidance. It is amazing to me the lengths I would go through to just avoid the temptation of food. I would make sure that I was nowhere to be found when meals were being made. I convinced myself and others that I did not like it and therefore would not eat it. I cannot tell you how many times I lied and said “I just ate” or “I’m not hungry”. Even when I went out with friends or family, the key was to order low calorie foods and then make sure I really did not eat it. I just take a few bites to make it look like I had eaten. I tried to anticipate any and every circumstance that might possibly disrupt my caloric intake. I pushed away many a person in my life because friends meant dinner (food) and ultimately would lead to eating. I just learned to avoid those situations and isolate myself.

It is funny, because now that I am writing this, it does not sound so simple. I guess this is why blogging my thoughts has been helpful. I really start to see the how “dysfunctional” my thought process has become. I am seeing that I am needing to not only nourish my body but my mind.

CURRENT OBSESSION

NEW OBSESSION

FOOD (Calories) Letting People In
EXERCISE Activities with Friends and Family
WEIGHT Learning to accept uncertainty and imperfection  (especially my own)
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About iltyp4u

I would like to introduce myself to you. My name is Angel. On the surface I look very successful and happy. I have married my soul mate, I have one daughter and two beautiful grandchildren, and I own/operate a successful at-home business. But, I do have a skeleton in my closet and his name is TED. I know that many of you also have some form of this skeleton, and my hope is that in my recovery, I can help at least one other person through recovery. Who or what is TED you ask? TED is the name that I have given to my Eating Disorder. If you or someone you know suffers from an eating disorder, I hope that you/they find this blog helpful. Please check back for updates about my progress/struggles. Also, feel free to comment on your progress. Follow me on twitter: @iltyp4u Follow me on FB: www.facebook.com/triumphfromted
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