It’s reflection time for me. It is hard to believe that 6 months ago, I joined the fight to save my life from my eating disorder. What felt like impossible six months ago, has actually been the best six months of my life. Do not get me wrong, there have definitely been struggles along the way. And I am smart enough to know that there will be many more ahead, but I am so proud of how far I have come, by putting a little effort into MY life.
How Has My Life Changed?
FOOD – I still step on the scale and have a slight cringe when I see a number higher than where I think I would like to be. Before, I would just not eat that day or limit my caloric intake to under 500. But now, I realize that the food I am putting in my body is what nourishes me. I have to make healthy choices to keep me energized for the day. I have given up the use of all diet pills, laxatives and water pills. I am no longer looking for the quick fix to my weight, but now working towards long-term health. My goal is to be happy with me because of who I am and not because of the number on the scale.
EXERCISE – I have gone from sitting/laying on the couch all day long to a much more active lifestyle. I am running two to three days a week and doing Insanity three days a week. I have completed two 5K and signed up for a third. I even have my eye set on a 8K in August. I have learned that I love to run! I have even joined a run club on Thursday to keep me accountable. I feel that there is nothing that I cannot accomplish with hard work. I am done with the day where I just wallow in my eating disorder, hoping to be skinnier. I am taking the steps to having a healthy body from hard work and dedication. You should see my guns!
MIND – This is where my struggle lies. I am learning to disconnect the need to use food to punish, yet I still have all of the feelings that are associated with the eating disorder. I know that this is going to be the hardest part of my journey. I still am very hard on myself when I do not meet my own expectations, but I am no longer taking away my right to eat as punishment. I have even decided to go back to see my counselor, to help me work through this part. I would have never admitted before that I needed help, but I see now that there are parts of this that I cannot do by myself.
Giving Back – I am currently working on my Personal Trainer Certificate with a goal to be a Health Coach. I want to specialize in the area of eating disorders, but know that my story will resonant amongst people from all walks of life. I want to be the reason that someone else decides to join the fight to save their life.
Thank you to all my friends and family who have supported me on this journey. Without your little pushes and lots of love, I definitely would not be where I am today. I know this is only the beginning of my journey, but with all of the positive changes I am seeing in my body, and my mind, I feel like I have turned the corner on this longtime struggle with TED. I finally feel “Hope” that I can recover. This is the best feeling.
Thank you Angel for not giving up on yourself! I am so proud of you!