What I am learning while training for my Half is that there are many small goals that are set to help get me to the end goal. Because of my eating disorder, I struggle living in a world of gray. I have always claimed that all issues/goals are black and white. Therefore, if the plan says run 4.5 miles on Tuesday, then it must be done on Tuesday or not at all. Oh, yeah, I have an all or nothing issue also.
So how do you adjust your mindset when there are so many chances to prove “you can’t do this.” This is what I am trying to learn how to do. Each week, I am given a mileage goal to meet to ensure I am able to finish my Half in January. But life sometimes gets in the way. What happens if I don’t run my 4.5 on Tuesday? Did I fail? What if I go out and have area really good 4.5 mile run on Wednesday? Does that make up for not going out on Tuesday? So what about the next run, what if I don’t do it at all, but I go out on the weekend and have a Great long run of 6 miles have I failed or succeeded?
Previously these would all be failures, even the great runs. In my mind, because I was not able to do them on the day they were scheduled, I failed. When I fail, I quit.
So why not now? What has changed in my way of thinking that allows me to get up and keep running? I have come to realize that TED was the perfectionist, not me. TED required me to set unrealistic goals so that he could watch me Fail and be there to comfort me when it happened. He willingly would give me a rope to watch me hang myself.
But now I am in control. I control my thoughts and my actions. Although these thoughts still pass through, I no longer allow this negativity to paralyze me. I have learned that failing at something does not make you a failure. You never fail until you stop trying.
So now I will lace up my shoes and go for a run. If I don’t reach my goal mileage, I have not failed. If I have to walk a portion, I have not failed. When you realize that you don’t have to base your life successes on whether you failed, you can finally live your life to the fullest and be Happy with the finish….no matter what it took to get there.