Waking up this morning I began my normal routine. I get up and first check my email and then quickly turn my attention to facebook to see what I have missed out on while I was sleeping and also begin preparing my posts for Couch 2 Healthy. What I read this morning on a friend’s page not only caught me off guard but also put me on a soap box.
“I guess everyone is going to have people dislike what they do no matter what it is…I can just hope and pray that I don’t get another long email that I am promoting eating disorders ever again.”
We all have demons that we fight every day. Mine happens to be an eating disorder. When you are in the grips of an eating disorder, you are constantly hiding. The less people notice you, the less they notice what is going on with you. I completely understand Katie’s need to share healthy with others. Sharing it with others helps to keep us honest. So in order to work through recovery, we (I) have relied on family and friends to keep me accountable. I have done many things to help keep me “honest” in my recovery.
Please don’t judge how I move through my recovery. In trying to break the cycle, sharing my struggles is my attempt to helps others understand the illness and therefore hopefully understand why the struggles are so difficult to overcome. Since I was a teenager, I have suffered with this eating disorder. Only now in my 40’s am I even willing to entertain the thought of breaking the cycle. In February 2009 as a promise to my husband, I stopped purging but it wasn’t until December 2011 that I even started to believe that I could survive in this world without my eating disorder. I have blogged, posted on FB my struggles and accomplishments and recently started my Couch 2 Healthy FB page. My hope is that what I have learned over the last year and a half will help another girl suffering from an eating disorder maneuver to recovery easier.
Yes, I have gained weight since then, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have an eating disorder still. What people need to understand is that eating disorders are not about the food I eat or don’t eat, it is about the control and power I feel from being able to decide whether to eat or don’t eat. So, unless you have lived a day in Katie’s shoes (or mine for that matter) don’t judge. We are doing the best we can with what we know. In recovery, we ourselves are trying to find a happy medium between the eating disorder and over compensating somewhere else. For me that happy medium is HEALTHY!