What if….

Do you need to forgive yourself for something in your past?  Try writing a WHAT IF letter.  Send or not sending is up to you.

My Daughter,

I love you with my whole heart and soul.  I need you to know that I did the best I could with what I knew at 18.  This is my WHAT IF list that I ponder daily.

1)    WHAT IF I had never gotten pregnant and you had been born into a more loving family.

2)    WHAT IF I would have spent more time with you when you were younger instead of working one and two different jobs.

3)    WHAT IF I had the courage to make the journey with just me and you.

4)    WHAT IF I did not settle for a man just because I felt like I needed help raising you.

5)    WHAT IF I had allowed you to make mistakes instead of always jumping in and making it better.

6)    WHAT IF I had listened better and talked less when you shared your feelings so that I could have nurtured you better.

7)    WHAT IF I never left Cincinnati to allow me to have a fresh start to MY life.

I am amazed at how easy my WHAT IF list flowed from pin to paper (or fingers to keys in this case).  We will never know if or how differently your life might be had a few of these WHAT Ifs been erased. What I do know is that I cannot change the decisions I made along the way from age 17 to 43.  I can only learn from them and move forward.  I am sincerely sorry if any one or all of my decisions caused you heartache or pain during the last 25 years and I ask for your forgiveness.

My hope for you is that you do not live with WHAT Ifs.  Trust your gut!  Know when to stay and fight for what you believe in but more importantly, know when to move on.  You have three beautiful children that look up to you as their Hero!  Make them proud. 

I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE YOUR HERO

Again, I love you and I am sorry.

-Mom

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About iltyp4u

I would like to introduce myself to you. My name is Angel. On the surface I look very successful and happy. I have married my soul mate, I have one daughter and two beautiful grandchildren, and I own/operate a successful at-home business. But, I do have a skeleton in my closet and his name is TED. I know that many of you also have some form of this skeleton, and my hope is that in my recovery, I can help at least one other person through recovery. Who or what is TED you ask? TED is the name that I have given to my Eating Disorder. If you or someone you know suffers from an eating disorder, I hope that you/they find this blog helpful. Please check back for updates about my progress/struggles. Also, feel free to comment on your progress. Follow me on twitter: @iltyp4u Follow me on FB: www.facebook.com/triumphfromted
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